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Veronica Cruz

Raised by cinema-loving llamas in the depths of the Bolivian Andes, she dreamed of distant adventures and exotic cultures, similar to her own but even more exotic. So when the opportunity arose, she packed her k'eperina and embarked on an adventure to Austria to learn German, and perhaps find a suitable mate, ideally the rich son of the Austro-Hungarian Habsburg emperor.

However, upon arrival, she quickly learned that the Empire had fallen.

While wandering through the beautiful villages, she found herself constantly being waved over by locals eager to show her their basements. This led her to take up running, which in turn introduced her to a fitness lifestyle.

Eventually, she settled for an Austrian who lacked wealth but could defend her against the curious villagers, being a trained Kung Fu master like her mother's idol, Van Damme. Together, they left Austria and lived in various countries over the years until they returned to her homeland. There, they acquired a dog and a camera, and began making short films.

Suddenly, she slapped her husband across the back of his head and exclaimed, "Stop writing nonsense about me!"... and that was the end of her bio.